Are You Strong Enough To Be a Better Man? Suddenly, without warning, he goes radio silent and shuts down. Or, he may just be upset and not able to verbalize it. I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. ), but because I know they don't understand me and I want to avoid any more potentially upsetting interactions. It does not always cause heartburn, but it … Even if we know, without a doubt, that the narcissist was in the wrong, we take on the responsibility for their going silent on us. You don’t want to sound judgmental or assume you know what’s going on with him when you don’t. - Patrick Dennis. For the first few years were together, I used to hate it when she got quiet. Ortis describes several scenarios where silence can be highly destructive – both to the marital relationship and to the silent partner. She’s deep in thought She may be thinking about how to refute a point you just made, contemplating her next move or just wondering about what to make for dinner. I thought she was punishing me with the silent treatment. I let it out immediately and just blast away. Best to let sleeping dogs lie as they say. They all come together for a very important and dangerous mission. Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain. Just the opposite happens–the unspoken problem remains, distancing occurs and the relationship suffers as a result. That's why some people will try to get the silent person angry--just to get them to say anything at all! Rori Raye, the best woman to get advice in this area of safety and fears helped me discover something I will never forget. Do Not Sell My Personal Information. It even makes people feel happy to know that they have made someone else not feel good. A forum community dedicated to all ranges of personality types and people. 4. One person is angry or unhappy with something you have done or not done and instead of talking it through, there is a withdrawal of communication, attention, and care as a means of punishment. Just to be clear, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where a toxic narcissist will stop talking to you for days, hours, weeks or even months in order to punish you for some perceived slight. Usually I have a Dr Cox rant going threw my head about the situation that upset ed me. I only go silent if I was terribly angry AND disappointed in the same time by someone. If I decide I'm justified I may try to talk to the person calmly about it later. I know when I stop talking to someone it means I’m angry, upset, or sad. 3) We’re silent because we’re angry. The silent treatment is when one person in a relationship ignores the other person, refusing to acknowledge them verbally or through any other method. Going Silent to Punish or Control. This usually happens after an argument, but it can also happen when the silent partner is angry and the other person doesn't know why. yes I do. Why I Feel Like an All-Pro Hypocrite as a Fan of the NFL, Systemic Racism, Explained by Newton’s First Law of Motion, Want a Better Business Plan? Ortis says that silence can sometimes be an act of quiet hostility, in that one spouse will act as though they’re cooperating, but silently will do everything they can to sabotage a situation. Men sometimes have problems being in-tune with their emotions the same way that women are. We’re trying to make a significant decision with too little information. Space is required after this point, or things might get ugly. Ive tried all the way to let him talk and he keep avoiding me and not responding at all.. but each time i say ill move on he tell me to stay.. and go silent again. At other times, you feel hurt, angry or upset by something another person says or does. some people (extroverts?) And I usually equate with a negative remark about their character. "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe." They use silence as their weapon of choice. Silent reflux is a condition in which stomach acid causes throat discomfort, especially behind the breastbone in the middle of the trunk. Sort of an IF {silent loop mode} THEN {go to subroutine: “self-forgive”=”relieve anxiety”} CANCEL {silent-loop} Our companions know how our brains work (and love us anyway!) People might also use it in moments where they don’t know how to … :frustrating, I will go silent and if I have to speak then it's in a colder, more controlled tone. I say sorry all the **** time. This is not entirely true, at least in my experience. “I’m going to take time to cool off for 1 hour” 15 minutes, 4 hours, whatever. The key to being closer in the good times lies in the way a couple treats each … How to Disarm the Narcissist During the Silent Treatment 1 – Don’t believe it’s your fault. You are completely empowered by refusing to acknowledge him and he’s going to get frustrated by not receiving a response. It can cause serious emotional and psychological damage if you don’t realize what is happening. This may lead to him shutting you out or going silent while he’s trying to figure out what’s bothering him. JavaScript is disabled. If someone. Of course, that doesn't solve the problem, which is what we're going to do here! on my part it is not that way at all. We are taught to treat women with respect (the good men are taught that, anyway), and yet we are expected to communicate even when we are so angry that we don’t feel capable of communicating respectfully. Passive aggression. My man is giving me the SILENT Treatment what should I do? reply #15. random dude. She forced me to think about a man NEEDS. It Pains Us to Argue With You. If they do something which radically upsets or angers me, I tend to blow up immediately and rant about why I am angry. The tendency is to choose silence rather than upset the other party. on my part it is not that way at all. Mike Ripley -, “I’d say it’s been nice meeting you all, but, in fact, it hasn’t. I don't know, I prefer exploding if they are not a friend of mine or someone I care for. Here Are The Signs His Anger Issues Are … I need time to analyze the other person’s motives. ... Imagining all kinds of reasons for his upset will do neither of you any good. When we get the silent treatment from the narcissist in our life, it feels utterly devastating. Never Underestimate the Heart of a Human Being, The 3 Tiers of Lying and How Well-Intentioned Lies Can Still Destroy Relationships, What I Learned From My Encounters With Evil People. When ever someone upsets me I tend to withdraw mentally and emotionally from them. I do not like people touching me when I'm upset. The Silent Treatment: When People Leave You Guessing There's probably no communication more misquoted than silence. The best predictor of divorce isn’t whether a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights. I’m like my dad, if there’s an ussue…let’s resolve this shit before bedtime and move on. Manhood has its conundrums. .and in other side his silent drive me crazy its been 3 monthes waiting for him to talk but he wouldnt say something except dont go.. so what does that mean? It gives no resolve to the situation if there is an issue that needs to be addressed, and it makes the other person feel as though that whatever the issue is, is more important than discussing it to even get to a resolve. Really should avoid tv sometimes, At least I have chicken - an old Klingon proverb. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. They are no more concerned for humanity than this virus is. (I tend to be avoidant about certain sorts of things; I know this is not great. The silent treatment is one of the most damaging relationship problems. The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally. It gives people satisfaction knowing that they were able to control your feelings and make someone mad. I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind. Only if I feel it will help and I need time to re-collect my thoughts and emotions. The silent treatment usually hurts more than anger does. Yessss. The silent treatment is not helpful and is a passive aggressive form of punishment. Being on the receiving end is painful and frustrating. I do all of the above, but sometimes I prefer to vent. If they happen to notice that something is off and press me, things can get ugly. Sometimes, I obsess about every detail with troublesome past events: how somebody said something, what they said, what their body language was like, what my response was, how I responded, what I thought when I responded, what I should do when I see the person or find myself in a similar situation, and so on. 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If they are not worth my time I just walk away and likely never see or talk to them again. sometimes … If you did not like certain elements in the combination or pattern, haul your fanny to a qualified professional and detangle it, so you don't bring it forward to another relationship. Reason 2: Sharing Feelings Is Hard “Women often don’t understand how very hard it is for men to express their feelings. 9 years ago. For me it's either clam up, or explode .. and nobody listens to you when you're ranting anyway so you might as well just keep it to yourself. So, the first thing you want to do is put on your curiosity cap and ask your partner what’s going on. Some people also give the silent treatment to make people upset. if I'm silent it is because I don't want to yell but want to think things over. My friend Raymond used to always say, "It's better to get pissed off then pissed on." - Albert Einstien. yep- go silent to process what happened. Shutterstock 1. I don’t think many women realize just how important you are to us … Why Men Go Silent, Ignore You, Refuse or Won’t Share Their Feelings How his needs are built differently. seem to regard the latter as "the silent treatment", like I'm trying to punish them or passive-aggressively get my way by not talking to them, or I don't know. In this intentional downtime, you are able to have a sort of "relationship exit" interview, take stock of what worked, what didn't, and how you would like to change going forward. some people (extroverts?) This one is HUGE. Silence helps us … It’s been quite awkward, and frankly, the next time I see a single one of you will be far too soon.” - Magnus Bane, VerticalScope Inc., 111 Peter Street, Suite 901, Toronto, Ontario, M5V 2H1, Canada. He was terribly upset because he had not seen it coming. Sometimes, going silent may be the best thing to avoid saying things you would later regret. Silence doesn't necessarily mean disinterest, indifference, passivity, insensitivity or being upset (sad, angry or depressed). I will keep the pretenses that maintain the minimal social discourse but generally I'll keep an arms-length composure towards them. Before we knew how to handle these differences, it was super frustrating. All I need to hear is sorry, then I will start talking to him. It’s vital that you don’t go on the attack or act as if you’re a victim. The silent treatment will make him wonder what YOU’RE thinking. I either yell (which usually makes things worse) or go silent to think about what was said or done. There’s a difference between being shy and being quiet. If the guy is expecting you to reply and you don’t, he’s going to wonder why. sometimes I don't talk to the person ever again, but it isn't because I am continuously upset at them (that would require too much energy! This can last anything from a place of curiosity usually equate with clean! 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